as I walk through the valley

where I harvest my grain

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me,

Ya know, I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milkin' cows

Jebediah feeds the chickens and

Jacob plows... fool

And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that

Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine

Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699!



We've been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

I churn butter once or twice

Living in an Amish paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice

Living in an Amish paradise

We sell quilts at discount price

Living in an Amish paradise



A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek

I really don't care, in fact I wish him well

'Cause I'll be laughing my head off

when he's burning in hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist

even if he deserved it

An Amish with a tude?

You know that's unheard of

I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat

And my homies agree

I really look good in black... fool

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears

We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years

But we ain't really quaint,

so please don't point and stare

We're just technologically impaired



There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar

Not a single luxury

Like Robinson Crusoe

It's as primitive as can be



We've been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

We're just plain and simple guys

Living in an Amish paradise

There's no time for sin and vice

Living in an Amish paradise

We don't fight, we all play nice

Living in an Amish Paradise



Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter

Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter



Think you're really righteous?

Think you're pure in heart?

Well, I know I'm a million times

as humble as thou art

I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like

On my knees day and night

scorin' points for the afterlife

So don't be vain and don't be whiny

Or else, my brother, I might have to get

medieval on your heinie



We've been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

We're all crazy Mennonites

Living in an Amish paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights

Living in an Amish paradise

But you'd probably think it bites

Living in an Amish paradise



Ah oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Ah oh oh oh, oh oh YECCH!